i dont know if this is gonna be the last time im blogging about you, muhammad irfan.

everything's over now.

and thanks for waking me up from my dream.

thanks for showing how much you pretend to love me when you dont.

even nearly 3months being with you.

i swear,

ive never felt the ups and downs that im going through now because of you.

i was mistaken and blinded by love.

and being too naive,

i fell down.

and when i look up,

i see nobody up there to help me get up.

i fell in my own fantasy.

i cant explain and define how much i love you so much.

ive only wanted us to be like past-time.

where everything seemed perfect.

too perfect, that i myself cant believe the fact that i fell in love with you.

as time goes by,

you taught me alot.

how to be alone and independant.

not relying on others to stand up.

and as time pass by,

people change.

and so do you.

i wished i could adapt to your changes.

but im a human being.

and i got feelings for you to understand.

maybe ive been over-reacting because i love you so much.

i just want you to know that.

i felt so insecure.

because i just want you to be mine.

not even others.

i want to see myself in your heart. and only me that you love.

i want to feel what other cute couples feel.

but its just a dream now.

i always hope that it will come true.

but i just realised that you dont love me, at the very beginning.

i felt like a used doll now.

but i hope that ive made a wise decision.

and i hope youre happy with it.

thanks for everything again.

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 1:45 AM

nothing will ever the same.

and what i ever wished,

i will never have it anymore.

i dont even know why im too weak to even know what he's doing to me.

im too tame and powerless to fight for what is right.

im bottling everything and i know,

it will forever stay there.

because nobody is gonna set me free.

everything just changed not like how i expected from the very beginning.

i thought life would be perfect and happier that i'll never gonna ask for more.

but i got it all wrong, all mistaken.

i wished i could go back to the times where im surrounded by the flowers of love.

i miss the love, care and concern.

all im going through now,

is nothing more than heartbreaks after heartbreaks.

i thought the guy i really love would treat me like im the luckiest girl ever.

but its just a dream never will come true.

the one that never ever threw harsh words to me has made it really nothing to say it to me almost everytime.

i thought that after my sacrifices, thing would be way better.

but like i said, nothing ever changed.

it became worst.

and all i always do, is cry.

because thats the only thing i afford to do.

i dont have the strength to even fight back.

i felt the dissapointment that ive never felt when i realised i always wasted my time with him, when all i wanna do is,

spend quality time with the one i really love.

i hope this will end.

but i know it'll never.

i hope you know that i love you so much.

please stop doing this to me.

because im tired and i yearned the feeling of true love from you.

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 12:28 AM

i feel like i dont know you anymore.

i dont know what this relationship means.

i dont know what do i really meant to you.

i dont know whether you know how every 29th in the calender means.

i dont know if you ever appreciate me.

i dont know if you bother knowing what happened to me.

i dont know why i cry to sleep everyday.

i just miss my old muhammad irfan :'(

the one i first met when i was still shy.

i really do.

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 10:40 PM

today is the happiest day of my life.

i wouldnt asked for more.

i feel like telling everybody about my success.

especially to someone i really love.

but it doesnt seemed as expected.

however,

im happy to know that im promoted to 4express next year.

i'll promise myself to work hard.

and not repeat history.

even i felt the best feeling i couldnt even describe,

im having mixed feelings that somehow pulled me down so bad.

i wish i could be stronger.

i just hope this would go away.

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 12:35 AM

nothing else for me to say, nothing else for me to prove.

nothing else, than another hearbreak.

i gave up this time.

i dont have the strength left to hold on and stay.

i'll give in to your happiness and last long :')

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 9:11 PM

its been ages since my last post.

and im sorry for not updating.

i cant even managed to squueze in time for blogger due to computer that crashed a month ago.

life has been really challenging for me.

love has made a real great impact that turned me into someone new.

i dint even realise that i lost so many things that i treasure for it.

so much of sacrifices and heartbreaks,

i earned nothing than a, heartbreak.

again and again.

ive tried to love.

and that's when i met you,

muhammad irfan bin rahmat.

the one that gave me the biggest impact in my life.

the one that thought me things i dont know.

that made me into a matured lady.

so many things ive learn even though it only took me 3 months to learnt so many stuffs.

the day i met you at your place for the very first time.

i already felt the completeness that ive yearned all this while.

you showered me with care and love that any girl wished.

your sacrifices was so much i ever asked from a guy.

your promises and words were too strong that you just caught me,

in love with you.

i was irrevocably in love with you.

after 2years of being single,

it feels so right to put you in my missing puzzle.

and the day you whispered in my ear,

"will you wanna be my girlfriend?"

my heart pounded fast because you melted me till i cant even speak but just afford to smile all by myself.

i felt that youre the most responsible guy for me.

you took care of me like im a baby in your eyes.

im proud to have a boyfriend like you.

and ive never felt this feeling even with my ex-dates or ex-lovers at all.

youre like one in a million.

and thats why i chose you.

i wouldnt ask for more.

i hold on to your promises that you said,

"i'll never leave you, no matter what happens"

and till now,

i still do.

but every shits are uncalled.

you dont know how much i love you.

that i will sacrifice anything just for you.

you are like my wings for me to fly.

youre like my sun for me to shine.

i know ive been a bad girlfriend.

and that im a changed shasha now in your eyes.

baby, im sorry.

i did stuffs that were just temptations i cant resist.

im sorry sayang.

i cant describe to you,

how i regretted :(

i know its my fault.

i know you deserve a better girl.

i believe someone will treat you way better than i did.

i know you'll never turn your cheek to me again.

i will miss your call, your voice, your text msges and our late night talk.

i will miss the kiss you'll give me on my forehead everytime i sulk or get sick.

i will miss you hugging me so tight when we dint even meet for only 2days.

i will miss everything about you, sayang.

i just want you to know that youve been the best sayang.

best i ever had :')

i will always love you and i'll wait for you for as long as it takes for you to come back to me.

by my side again.

i just wanna say,

that if you think that moving on with your life is the best move,

go ahead,

because even i'll get hurt,

it'll make me feel better that at least,

you are happy with it.

and im sorry if i cant be a girlfriend like how you want me to be.

and thanks for everything, baby.

thanks for your love and care.

i will wait for your call or text.

even it takes forever for me to get it.

i love you so fuckin much!!!!!!

but i know i got to let this a pass.

take care and goodbye sayang :'(

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 1:32 AM

i know i shouldnt be doing this,

but sayang,

you got me in your control somehow and im stucked now,

i got nowhere to go.

coz everything im looking for is, you.

you got me sugar rush everytime and youre basically the reason why i kept on laughing and smiling all by myself.

and i dont wish to let that best ever feeling go.

youve got everything that i dont want from a guy,

but i found something in you that made me blind.

but sayang,

somehow now,

ive found the reason,

the reason for me to leave.

i know im uncalled in your life.

and remember when i said,

"im afraid of one thing, and that is you would get bored texting me"

and i really do.

im really scared that you would do it one day,

and i believe, you will.

despite those promises you gave me.

maybe its me.

its me who should stop and leave.

but dont worry sugarlove,

i will and i'll try to slowly adapt with my new environment soon.

its gonna be hard you know,

not having to see your name,

appearing in my phone and my caller ID.

coz every night,

all im looking forward for is my sweet goodnight messages and your cute voice that melted me for the first time.

ive prepared a message for you yesterday.

i was about to send it.

but i guess,

yesterday wasnt the right day to.

that message, you'll understand how you really meant to me.

youre in my head, and im seeing you all over me, sayang :'(

but i know this is wrong.

im sorry and i sayang you so so much :'(

Don't Leave Me Alone In This Lonely World ;
♥ Missin YOU @ 3:01 AM

hopes all gone.

nothing anymore.

used

alhamdulillah

nothing left.

broken wings

i should leave.

alhamdulillah

ideal boyfriend

love is gone